Why I Can't Stop Coloring My Hair
Published: (January, 2024)
1. Tonya, Why Don't You Go Gray?
A subscriber asked me: Tonya, why don’t you go gray? A reasonable question, given that I’m celebrating my 66th birthday this month. My answer: I just can’t! At least, not yet!
Lots of women go gray after 60. You’ve seen the best of them—steel gray, salt-and-pepper, and those lovely silver-platinum do’s. A few with exceptionally youthful looks become models, promoting products for seniors and making a nice carrier out of their gray. It might have been a good route for me to take—a nice push for my small business. But it’s not what I want.
More than anything I want to learn to dance. An irrational desire, I know. Unrealistic. Obsessive. Given my massive past injuries, it might even be a little nuts. Still, I can’t silence the voice inside—that little girl, manacled in casts through endless months of surgeries, dreaming of dancing. I just have to have this experience. If I don’t, I’m destined for regret.
Recently I’ve been shopping for online dance classes through various marketplaces for freelance services. And when a potential dance teacher reads my profile, without even seeing me or talking with me, she won’t return my calls or answer my messages. It seems she doesn’t want to discuss the dancing matter any further—even for money.
I was puzzled at first, then it dawned on me: It must be age! It became clear to me that no one wants to take a 65-year-old aspiring beginner dancer seriously. And to think about it, I cannot say I blame them.
I never thought I’d do such a thing, but I changed my profile age to 55. I had to. Same reaction. I was astounded, but I was not about to give up. So I changed it again, this time to 45. Only then did I start to get nibbles.
Most of the dance instructors on these platforms are relatively young aficionados, aged 17 to 23. Interesting…when such an instructor ends up working with me through Skype or Zoom, they’re totally okay with the way I look. They love my enthusiasm and my commitment. As a result, they enjoy giving these lessons as much as I enjoy taking them. And no one has called my bluff about being 45.
Quite the opposite, they usually say: I admire you and I wish my mom would exercise. Here I hold my tongue—she doesn’t need to know she’s teaching someone her granny’s age!
Here is another example... I like to take an advanced stretch class, where my classmates are typically around twenty years old or younger. The class involves a lot of partner stretching, where we sit, stand, push, and pull on each other’s trunks and limbs. The girls in my class have no idea about my age, and they treat me just as they treat one another.
Now, what if I show up in that class with gray hair? They’ll be afraid to touch me! I’ll be like a precious porcelain figurine left on the shelf—look but don’t touch! I might not even be allowed to continue the class. Some classes have restrictions. And one of them is: Not recommended for people over 50.
Women over 40 who’ve started to see their own gray, can appreciate another woman’s letting her gray show. Not these girls. For them, gray is “old.” The argument that, on some, gray looks flattering is totally missed on young women this age. They couldn’t care less. So here you have it: I color my hair because it is easier for me, easier for the young girls I want to be around.
Whether you call it sexism or some other ism, it’s real, it’s there. Get ready: Dance class is not the only place you’ll face it. Carrying the looks and energy of a person 20 years younger comes in handy! I’m deeply grateful that I can look and feel youthful enough to do what I love.
I am grateful for my encounter with raw foods, which have been instrumental in the entire aging process slowing down. Most people never get that lucky. Think about it: most people have never heard about the raw food lifestyle, much less lived it. (Read more in my books and ebooks). It allowed me to delay going gray and get away with it.
Once, I received an email saying I 'must' go gray. The writer's reasoning was that, since I follow a 100% raw food lifestyle, and it's 'natural,' I had to do the 'natural thing' and let my hair go gray. Otherwise, I would be setting a 'bad' example.
Oh well, I've been setting so many good examples that I’m sure you'll be alright with one arguably ‘bad’ example from me.
And, yes, there are situations when health is at risk, and a person should avoid coloring their hair at all costs. Something tells me that such a person wouldn’t usually be reading my newsletter about hair coloring but would be focusing on resolving their health issues. There are also those who live long and healthy lives, coloring their hair into their 80s—something I don’t plan to do.
Another person commented on my Instagram post: 'Gray is great only if someone is ready.' I couldn't agree more. And here is why... The woman who can wear her gray with brass and confidence will come across as beautiful. Because beauty begins when you believe in your own beauty. So, when should you go gray? The answer is... when you are ready.
2. How to Prepare for Gray Hair?
One question I hear often: What coloring brand do you use?
I know what women want—something easy to apply, preferably without help, something that beautifully covers the gray and is at the same time totally harmless. That’s exactly what I want, too. I keep trying different brands and regretfully still haven't found the one! Still you can learn about some of my interesting findings here.
I’ve tried many different semi-permanent and permanent color dyes. Some are better than others, but they all take time, and some serious fuss every four weeks. Coloring is a nuisance, and I'm planning to embrace gray hair one day.
Gray hair, in some cases, can make you strikingly attractive. So what make gray hair work? Contrast. It’s when the hair says: confidence and life experience. And your complexion says: care and secret knowledge.
Gray looks nice on people with an exceptionally good complexion. Therefore, skincare becomes increasingly important with each passing year.
You’ll need to prepare for your gray to shine. Have you made your New Year resolutions? Daily skincare must be one of them!
Here are two examples:
Be creative, experiment, and find what works for you.
By the way, if graying hair is not currently relevant to you, and you wish to delay its onset, consider reading this article for ideas: Gray Hair Remedy.